fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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