Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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