im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
