I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
