wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
