At least make sure they are 18
Why
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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