I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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