Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
