He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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