there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
