I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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