The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
