You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
