If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
