I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
