She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize