Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
