Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
