Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
