i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
