Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Randomize
