the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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