Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize