I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize