the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
