i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
