Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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