Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
