im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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