Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
