Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
