my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
