ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
