Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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