If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
