Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she looked like the before picture.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
