I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
