If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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