Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
