A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
