I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
