You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
