Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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