In America we eat man semen.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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