I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
