his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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