I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
