I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
