so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize