You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
