my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
