Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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