So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She made me pour olive oil on her.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
