Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
