i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
