WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
