I need to stop coming to work sober
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
