Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
