Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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