i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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