my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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