It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
