I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
