Welp...herpes.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
