He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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