I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize