She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
