then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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